Sunday, February 8, 2009

Sam & Syd

Dear Samantha and Sydney~
I want to wish you both a very Happy 5th Birthday. As I sit here to write this letter I am in awe how fast 5 years have flown by and how some memories never fade, yet at the same time how my memory can forget things that happened last week.
There are millions of things that I want to say, experience, and share with the both of you. As your mom I hope that you know that a day does not pass that I do not think of the two of you and miss you, feel cheated, feel guilty, or wish that this was a horrible dream that I would wake up from. It is hard to think of you both as the separate individuals that you are as opposed to you both as one person. I have to remind myself that I did not get cheated out of one life, but two lives. Two babies, two people, two daughters, two sisters, two grandchildren that deserved to make their mark on this world. I had many dreams for you both while you were alive and well playing patty cake in the womb. I was most looking forward to the people that you would become and how you would interact with your not so much older brother and with each other.

5 years old. You both would be in preschool right now at New Hope with Joey and Gabs. You would probably share a bedroom and if you were anything like your younger sister you would be into playing dress up, dancing, singing, and terrorizing Max. If you were like your brother you would be into playing with Star Wars toys, playing the Wii, coloring, and soon be learning how to read. In the fall you would start your first year at Valley Christian in kindergarten and in just a few days you would be with mommy and Papa at the beach playing in the sand and swimming.

So cheated yes, we have been cheated. I do look forward to the day that I hold you in my arms and can love you and squeeze you. I want you both to know that we miss you terribly. That I will never forget you, and that you will always be loved, missed, and cherished by me. I will continue to keep you alive in my mind, body, and soul and to make sure that your siblings know that our family is not complete until the 6 of us are all reunited again in Heaven.

With many hugs, kisses, and LOVE,



P.S~ I hate that we have not been out to see you in so long. Reason number 10, 895 that I HATE that this happened, is because it is so COLD in February. That is why we feel close to you every time we look out our windows and see the statues in the garden. It makes me feel like you are always here.


Laura said...

I am so behind on others blogs. Infact I will have to hit "all read" but I had to post here and let you know I am thinking about you and your girls at this anniversary. ((HUGS))

Jocasta said...

Beautiful post Laurie, - sending you a hug

angie said...

Oh, Laurie.

You were cheated, and I wish it wasn't so.

Sending you big hugs....with tears in my eyes.

Jaime said...

I also have tears in my eyes as I read this. I can't even imagine to pretend to know how you feel.
Sending lots of hugs your way!!

MamaGeek @ Works For Us said...

THIS? Absolutely beautiful Laurie.

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